Barbi Does Miami

mostly from my oxymoronic years between Miami and Milford


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barbi in love …

home?

Its a crazy mess inside my head.

Every For Sale sign becomes a For Rent sign, everywhere I drive I imagine living. I ponder the beach versus the mainland, Sobe versus Brickell, the Grove, Downtown, North Beach, Normandy Isle. I weigh ocean-front condo against a home with a yard against a community townhouse. Then I’m sure again that Aqua, where we now live is perfect, and that I should  find a  more affordable place here. I’m turning into a real estate catalog. Every Miami for rent three-plus bedroom now has a place in my mind. 95% is unaffordable and other the 5%  is too small for our five enormous personalities. If its true that you become what’s on your mind then I’ll be a condo soon ( a gorgeous large but cheap one).

Yes, yes, yes Iona got into DASH and our nine month escape from the winter has turned into something very different. Oh its life-changing,  our friends say. Hell yes.  Like how the fuck do I patch this one together. Didn’t we just built a huge beautiful house that I love  back in Milford? Wasn’t it the perfect place for us? Didn’t we create a balance between living, kids and work, lots of lovely friends, in a picture perfect village? Didn’t I say, when we moved in three years ago, it was great to know that we’d never have to move again?

sweet home

But no, we had to go and fall in love.

Suddenly Miami is the perfect place for us. We ALL fell in love with the palm trees, the beach, the bays and canals and swimming pools, the gardens and parks on every corner. Miami is crazy  cosmopolitan, its not a white American city.  Its Cuban and Italian and Jewish and Venezuelan and Chilean and its loud and a tad dangerous and  hot and sweaty and gritty and romantic and we want  it. We don’t want to flirt with it anymore, we want to get married and have babies. Well, maybe no more babies. But we want to look after our three baby girls, do whats best for them. And Iona is in love with DASH and Kiki and Leila are like Miami, wild and intense and engaging and a tad dangerous.

Husband and I? Don’t know. I’ve always been a sucker for moving. I left home in Amsterdam when I was seventeen. But my bag had been packed since I was ten. Not because I hated my life. I’ve never moved because I hate my life. Paris, Sydney, Melbourne, London, New York, Princeton, Milford, Miami,  I always moved because those places nurtered me enough to turn another corner and experience more, learn more, challenge myself more and expand. Its never personal. Its just who I am.

And husband? We’ll let him speak for himself. He loves to swim and his goal is to swim in every pool in Miami and write about it. I’ll say no more I’ll just send you links, after all he’s the seasoned writer in this house.

Meanwhile.

I’m sitting in front of this giant puzzle and all the pieces are still strewn in front of me. School, home, kids, husband, dog, renters,  friends, work and money. Money. Money. Money. Money. Money. Money. And Health Insurance.

And I’m going a little crazy…


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thanksgiving in miami

gordon models

aah Thanksgiving.

I scan my emotional radar for signs of homesickness. hm. there are a few pockets. I think of a fire in the fireplace, of picking Roland and Ian up from the train, preparing the turkey in my pajamas, and seeing the forest in the the fog through the glass wall of my kitchen, the bare wet trees beside me, the streams and falls  swollen and roaring, a last yellow leaf falling reluctantly past, the sound of shooting far away because hunting season opens on monday, Roland  at the kitchen table cracking nuts and catching up on the news of the year, the girls peacefully playing or watching a movie, the smells of the turkey mixed with smoke from the fire, the long walk to the waterfal before we eat, amber straining at her leash, setting the table with layers of plates and late or dried flowers and plants from the garden, Donna arriving with yet another evolution of Happy Feet, the dancing penguin who became a dancing turkey, and last year a dancing Obama, and Anouk with Zeb and Zoe, and then finally as its now dark, lighting the candles and sitting around the long table  fifteen or more, kids and friends and family, and holding hands and saying a prayer of grace and thanks, and tucking in, and pouring the wine, and laughing and telling tales of Thanksgivings past…

But I’m here in Miami. Its ten thirty. I anticipate. I’ve already done thirty laps in the pool. I set the glass table for ten. Arranged the designer chairs alongside the ones from IKEA, I opened all doors and windows to let in the sun and air, so fresh after a night of rain. Roland is here, I’m thankful, it would not be Thanksgiving without him. Al is preparing the turkey. Evonne just called, her voice still raspy from sleep. Their flight to Miami was four hours delayed and they didn’t arrive at the Fontainebleau till two this morning. Iona is eager to see Amanda. Together they’ll make the  sweet potatoes with marshmellows. And so it will be different, but I’m excited and thankful for all of it, the memories and the day that lies ahead. For my family and my friends, the ones who are here, the ones who are elsewhere on the planet…


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l’alloween week

just recovered from halloween week:

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composite family drawings

on wednesday i volunteered at the twin’s school party. from 2 to 3.50. closest reference that you’ll get is that sweat lodge in arizona.  90 degrees outside, 95 inside, closed doors (before i took over), and dripping humid conditions from 200 dancing panting sweating kids in costumes that varied from  dorothy, ladybug and flower child to rapper, gangsta and  kung fu master. (some home and some not home) baked goods arrived all morning, in and endless stream of  nasty orange and black frostings, from orange colored brownies to cupcakes and cookies in the shape of spiders, rats and black cats. setting up the decorations was an esthetics test for me, unfolding giant 7ft spiders and sticking their woolly legs to the ceiling, plugging in electric corpses with self removing heads, unfolding large plastic scenes of bloody murders printed and the cheapest plastic and sticking them over the (equally obnoxious) rules, regulations and mission statement of the cafeteria(eat in silence and don’t bother each other or we’ll have you arrested and put away for life). at 2 the doors opened and hell broke loose, as the lights were dimmed. crying, kiki found me and for the next hour and a half, as if she’d come as velcro,  did not leave my side. I tried to peel her off me, push her to the dance floor but she bounced right back as soon as i turned away. i wasn’t surprised,  i always  wanted my mom at these large scary almost out of control  kid gatherings. no one was allowed to leave the room. after fifty minutes (had my watch stopped?) we opened all doors  and air came in as kids were slipping and falling on the linoleum floor which was damp with their sweat. but  kids weren’t allowed to actually wander outside, for fear of them making a dash for the chain link fence that surrounds the school perimeter.

and trick or treat was still three days away.

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real mummy

thursday –  the unveiling of the new mummy at the bass museum  was timed to coincide with that  holiday of all mummy holidays and  said 600 bc mummyman’s x-ray photo had to be THE recommended halloween pin up of 2009 (see above). his bones had been x-rayed as well and details of his arthiritis at age 25 (shortly before he died) were discussed with much gusto by the curator. how would you like having your arthiritic bones exploited like that 2600 years from now?  Michael Jackson’s ghost might love it, but i’d prefer to think that, by then, I’d finally be too old for halloween.

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B/W lady

friday – on calle ocho where little havana had cultural friday. an excuse for a giant street party with macabre acts like a wiry old geezer who had attached his blow-up sex doll, after dressing her in a red pageant gown, to his shoes and tirelessly tangoed with her, a woman in black and white under a giant beach umbrella posing, endless varieties of drummers and bands, kids in halloween costumes, celia cruz (a man or a woman?) painting exhibits etc. the girls were spooked, headless corpses and blood they love but little havana’s shabby kitsch appeal was lost on them.

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where we ate rice and beans

saturday- the day- we had one corpse bride, one bumble bee, one twister board.

bee and bride twister girl

off to bay point a local upper class community, following our friend victoria and her shirley temple, dark fairy and husband as a shriner  to another giant street party of a different variety.  the bay point center square, where ancient banyan trees were decorated with skeletons,  a series of rented bouncy rubber castles let off that pungent air of too many sickly birthday parties, disco music like thriller and billy jean (michael jackson is not dead) played loudly,  served as a central gathering point for parents whose kids were  running like candy junkies from one fancy door to another grand entrance, grabbing as much as could be grabbed. you can never have enough halloween candy  my girls yelled on their sugar high as they returned with pillowcases full of the kind of candy, mini snickers, milky ways, starbursts, gum, jaw breakers, toffee, that i never buy, and will find stuck between sheets, socks, books, on the back of shelves, under beds, behind dolls for the next twelve months.

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miami halloween scene

we rushed  home, back by ten. why? because WE had a party! for the first time in, rough guess, fifteen years husband and i had an invitation to the much anticipated gender bender halloween event.  after feeling, all week, a hum of anxiety over what alastair, SHOULD WEAR. (he refused to wear a dress. well he’s a big macho guy, i understand. he refused to wear a wig, since he’s somewhat on the thinning hair side, i found it harder to understand but they get itchy and hot, he refused a bra. although by the time it was too late to go to the oversized section at target,  he suddenly insisted on wearing one of mine which was about a foot too short across his back.)  i’d bought him a pair of sweats, bright green with a gangsta rappa tattoo pattern down the legs, and a large somewhat feminine and  NICE T-shirt. the  dahling-you-look-fabulous- gold necklace  made him look rather dashing and not too silly, which was his goal. i  bent the gender a little further and did a version of phantom, in glitter leggings and tux top. our costumes passed but  hardly shone next to the wildly gay spot light stealing mob.  ten guys  dressed as quinceaneras in white froofy poofy dresses with trains and tiara and black wigs, one cuter than the next, on stage in a catfight tableau  vivant, while two others arrived on a small sailing boat pulled by two hunky chested men. said quinceaneras, of course,  owned the evening. alastair was jealous and plans a quinceanera dress for  next year (yeah right). walid cross dressed as his best friend iran, THE diva of the local scene, and they looked like long lost twin sisters. barbara becker disguised as a slimy bog creature slithered and danced through the room for thirty minutes and disappeared to brighter ponds, esther wore a to-die-for hat that she should auction at her next event, and the cutest edie sedgwick (who WAS that?) kissed me fully on the lips before she passed out. alastair and i  danced like we were twenty, got home at two and remained hung over until late monday morning. halloween in milford may be picture perfect, and we did miss it, but miami sure is fun…

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masculine me

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quinceaneras


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five things i like about miami

for a while i wasn’t so connected to my inner glamour puss, like it was time for earth mother to take over, but miami brings out my cyd charisse, party girl ( party girl where do you play tonight? party girl party girl where to be gay tonight? girl.. )

1. for pre-disco slow lead up to friday night partying, we had the ultra civilized reopening of simpson park where miami architect chad oppenheim designed a gorgeous new archway entrance made from slatted wood and native flora like orchids that will eventually take over and create a magical overgrown effect like the drawbridge to sleeping beauty’s palace. The arch leads into the 5.5 acre park of native hardwood hammock first conceived in 1913 between 15th and s. miami avenue downtown miami. landscape designer enzo enea and chad donated their time and collaborated on the revamping of the park. alastair and i took  our rum cocktails and got lost along an endless white shell trail that snakes through the patch of forest past benches, a pond and plaques that twitter with environmental information about birds and bushes.  audi, of the cars, in a green gesture sponsored this time warp, as a gift to the ultra futuristic downtown community.

simpson park

simpson park

new entrance

new entrance

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2. on we went the mondrian hotel, designed by other dutch man marcel wanders, for a mojito. alastair likes the big hotels. he likes the over designed pools, the pretension and grand promises. the mondrian overlooks biscayne bay and the sunset, a barely caught bright red rim on the horizon, before the industrial harbor lights took over and did an equally magical job, while i sat below giant blowing curtains, on a giant rug, in fake  louis seize oversized fauteuils and scatter pillows the size of emperor mattresses. we sipped more minty rum and wondered how long we’d stay here, eight more months? if the glamour will wear off or if we’re hooked . through the magical simpson park gateway,  for like another hundred years?

moon behind giant outdoor mondrian curtains

3. onto a birthday party at barbara becker’s house, WOW, she’s a force of feminine nature! in the perfect what would I do if i won a hundred million (serving fast, hitting hard and within the lines) house with a to-die-for art collection, a gatsby-esque  lawn sloping towards the bay with even better views of the docks, cruise ships and container cranes, scattered with poolside wicker terrycloth-lined king-sized nests, an aquamarine jewel pool centerpiece, and gorgeous thirty plussers grooving to Donna Summer, the Bee gees and Michael Jackson. i felt lucky. sam, whose birthday it was, and another force of nature, gave a rousing speech and i realized that Miami women rock. i may no longer be in the top ten of hostesses of the mostess, but I’m so fuckin’ inspired. miami goddesses rule.
birthday girl sam

birthday girl sam

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4. another goddess, ilona,  married to chad of the magical arch, gave a where-the-wild-things-are first birthday for H, her firstborn son, who had not yet seen the film and who probably won’t remember that birthday of all birthday (does anyone?), his first, the one that sets the bar for years to come,  beyond the photos and the videos. but i will remember this one. and so will my twins. they were in fact the perfect age and they’d seen the movie. they were down. and obliged as exemplary birthday guests showing H how to limbo, smash the wild-thing pinata, greedily grab as many pinata innards as they could carry, stuck the tail on the wild-thing and ate the wild-thing sized chocolate chip cookies (20″ diameter), while more good looking adults hung around the wild-thing sized food table stacked with wild-thing sized hamburgers the size of  footballs, wild-thing sized mushrooms the size of baseball caps, chocolate bars the size of bricks, cupcakes the size of beach buckets, empanadas the size of Michael Jordan’s sneakers and malted milkshakes in every flavor in vases rather than glasses. the sendak wild-things were invited and would’ve loved this bash, but I guess their agents  had them busy signing licensing deal, elsewhere…

kiki and leila and wild thing pinata

kiki and leila and wild thing pinata

wild thing sized cupcake and burger and kiki and me

wild thing sized cupcake and burger and kiki and me

5. sunday afternoon. we were meant for another party. at the bass museum. for kids. i was primed, but hard as i tried, my mini-mees  were poopers and would not be moved from  poolside. defending their rights with lines like: just because you like to party doesn’t mean we always have to, we only get two days off and school is very hard, we are tired, very tired, its the first time since we’ve lived here that we ask something from you, you wanted us to come to miami so here we are, we can all relax, we are finally having some fun.. leaving me to wonder where they get the maps to these guilt trips. ok already, i said. . we’ll have our own party. yeah the gordon pool party only for gordon party girls they said.

and daddy. yes daddy can come too…

iona

iona

kiki and leila by iona

kiki and leila by iona

iona's most elegant leap

iona's most elegant leap

gordon party lunch

gordon party lunch

next week: north beach elementary halloween party in the cafeteria, from 2-4 on Wednesday where I shall be a chaperone to 200 out of control fourth and fifth graders, cant wait. the bass museum party on thursday night followed by a restaurant street fair crawl around little havana on friday and  the drag halloween event on saturday, after trickatreating with the girls dressed as bumblebee, corpse bride and twister board.

suggestions on what Alastair should wear and where to buy such in miami in right size are most welcome…