Barbidoesmiami

How to Stay Sane in the City of No Shame

high design rashes

4 Comments

aside from teacher burn we have another problem. so sorry its not all good news but we have a miami-cool-rental design problem. there are no chairs in this house. we have large eggs at the dining table, we have a long low couch without a back, like its verboten to be comfortable and groovy in Tiesto’s and now our “candyland bachelor pad”. yes, so? ok i’m writing this from my bed, which for a dutch guilt bunny like me is really hard at 10 am. i’m dressed and groomed however and look the part, if any miami-style-vice-police should check in (of course they’re all in nyc for fashion week). back to the seating problems — outside on our balconettes were some outdoor chairs. no not the plastic kind one gets at Lowes, but the kind one ogles (but never buys) at Murray Moss. we dragged them in. one for daddy so he could write. one for mommy so she could write. one for kiki and leila so they could go on their computer, one for iona so she could do homework.
these are funny chairs mommy, kiki said. they’re like static. really? yes sit down and try. i can’t feel it sweetie. yes, yes, mommy they are static.i dismissed the sensation they felt in their young and still sensitive skin . two days later, after swimming and going to the beach, leila had a rash all over her inner arms, her back, her legs. i had the cream. it went away/she stopped complaining. then iona started itching. then daddy complained of itchy thighs. finally, when school started, i had time to sit and write. in a short gauzy dress, skirt bunched up around my waist. by 3pm my butt and legs were on fire. a nasty rash spread. something started dawning. like why did we all have this weird reaction? was it stress? the beach? what about the designer chairs? those static chairs? I confronted them. all four pretty things. I ran my hand over their groovy white material. aha. they were made from fiberglass and shedding their glassy fiber until we were covered in micro splinters.

guess what? i’m off to Ikea, to get myself some practical scandinavian chairs and lots of fluffy pillows and fuck it if they’re ugly.

rash chairs....

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Author: barbidoesmiami

Barbi is a stupid model, fashion designer, writer about women and beauty, repurposeur of ocean plastic garbage into jewelry, mover from milford to miami, mother of iona kiki and leila, lover of alastair

4 thoughts on “high design rashes

  1. Gosh, Did tiesto had a decorater ? Anyhow he never sat down probably always dancing or sleeping : )

    love love love the blog, feels though very much like voyeurisme.

    Why did you move to Miami?? thought an exotic island..But i am probably stuck in time while i only have the memory that you lived near princeton in the country in an beautiful old warehouse..

    take care and enjoy..
    xm

  2. miami is all about voyeurims, hard for us dutch girls to get used to, but kinda fun when you get into it, like shedding some calvinist skin….

  3. ooohhhh my girls…you are suffering! cut bums, thongs and mean schools. I hope it gets better. What an extraordinary looking place to live in! Just like CSI Miami. We are envious. It is Saturday morning in Sing Sing and the monsoons are a pouring down. We can’t go to the island with the wild life, we couldn’t get a flite to Cambodia so we are here for the long holiday, end of Ramadan…
    Isla is better. She is over the mono and will soon be back in London. Not sure about this place at all. Funny that we are all experiencing tropical city anxiety!

  4. OMG! The same thing happened to us! I had four groovy egg chairs by Philippe Starck manufactured by Driade…last year I noticed that the undersides of my arms and backs of my thighs went a fiery red after sitting in one of these chairs. Then I realised that my angry flesh SPARKLED in the sun! Yeowch!
    Same thing. Complained to retailer and two years later ( Driade rep’s fault , not retailer,) Driade replaced all four chairs free of charge. Apparently one batch got out of the factory without its final coat of sealant/sun screen! I, meanwhile, had painted the chairs with yacht varnish…worked a treat. It will be interesting to see how the new lot fare……..

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