Last year was a transitional year.
I realize now that, for me, last year was still transitional. From reading my blog you’d probably already figured this out, but I was oblivious.
I thought the previous year had been transitional and that I was out of transition and in destination. But, just because I’d moved to Miami didn’t mean that I had arrived. I know what you’re thinking, moving to a new city is always a transition, and that is exactly what I would answer, if anyone asked.
But I’d already been in a real full-blown transition since early 2008. And it felt like being stuck. Like I couldn’t go back, and couldn’t move forward. I no longer knew who I was nor who I wanted to be. My identity had always been so wrapped up in what I created and I didn’t want to go back to designing “more stuff “. My last gig had been with Pantone as the Creative Director of every licensed product that carried its logo and name. Plates, stationery, shoes, a home collection, clothes, bags, you name it. A lot of stuff… So I helped Alastair with the design of Spaced Out and started collecting waste beach plastic. I worked it, made jewelry from it and educated myself in the causes and effects of plastic pollution. I did a website called Its a Man made World.
And I wrote. I wrote an entire novel about a woman in transition. A woman like me, who from one moment to the next realizes that her perfectly crafted life has fallen apart, and that nothing will ever be what she thought again.
I did both in a bubble. Not a pretty, floating-on-air Californian bubble, but more like a soundproof one-way-mirror bubble, feeling unheard and unseen. Lost even.
Moving to Miami had everything to do with breaking out of whatever it was that I was in. Husband knew it, like he was aware that a change would do me, and us, good.
And it did, almost right away. (SO, for anyone who feels stuck: Move! A different city, a different country, a different job, a new house, a whole new slice of of life to explore).
But then I thought Miami Beach was just playtime, and that’s hard for me because I was brought up with a huge sense of purpose and responsibility, and here I was having lunch on the beach!
Some days it felt like I was doing the same as I did before, writing and recycling beach plastic, only in better weather, in DJ Tiesto’s bachelor pad, away from the knick-knacks of my old life… and maybe I still wasn’t getting anywhere…
The only difference I felt was a sense of patience and maybe this comes with age. Maybe the ambition endorphins turn into patience endorphins, and for the first time ever I enjoyed the process of what I was doing, instead of being anxious about getting to the pay-off: money, attention, a good review…
I added some beach plastic clothes and called the collection Plastic is Forever. I got a small order for scarves from Base at the Delano, which lead to picking, cutting and drilling the beach plastic and finding the local women who would sew it on silk georgette for me. I enjoyed meeting them, Lucia and her mother, at Normandy on Saturday mornings and buying organic vegetables and flowers at the market afterwards.
I enjoyed doing the Barbi does Miami blog, not only did writing about being here help me redefine who I was , but I also connected to my readers for the first time. I made friends with people I’ll never meet. This, for me, is the joy of writing. Not the sitting alone at a desk for hours on end, losing all sense of time, like passing through CS Lewis’ closet, entire days disappearing into what feels like an hour. I don’t like that aspect of writing. But I love the dialog. The ability to create a connection, a shared experience, a feeling that we’re never alone in what we go through and how it makes us feel…
But this year is different. I’m working manual labor in Miami. I have to produce 900 tee shirts for Barneys New York, using organic blanks from Loomstate. And 900 tees is about 35,000 pieces of beach plastic, and about 50,000 drilled holes! Its a group of women beaders who need 50 kits every week between now and end january, and I’ll have to provide those. I’ll be working hard and I love it.
In fact. I think that…
I’m a bit like my beach plastic.
All that plastic I collect had purpose in a previous life, be it a bottle top, a crate, toothbrush, hair clip, spoon, detergent container, cup, plate, comb, or any one of a million other things. Then it was useless. Discarded. It tossed around for a bit. Sand, sea, sun, salt even coral. Then it started to look good again. And now this patina-ed beach plastic has a whole new life as fabulous adornment on Barneys tees that’ll sell to green fashionistas for one hundred and thirty five dollars.
I too feel repurposed and it feels good…
September 22, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Oh, the R’s of it all… reclaim, repurpose, recycle, reinvent, rejunvinate… and rejoice! Your introspective perspective is so refreshing and uplifting – from so many angles! Inspiration is a high, and high five to you!
September 22, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Excellent post, neatly wrapped and seen. Being out of transition and in destination?
I haven’t heard that before, it sounds appetizing. Or a trap. But I think it is always, always, transition, one second to the next, the only constant is the changing. Good luck with Barney’s T’s. Will be looking for them in window, my camera is my constant companion, transition at one sixtieth of a second.
September 22, 2010 at 8:27 pm
I know, next year this year will seem transitional, and destination is a bit end of the line-ish, but i do feel like I’m getting into my own after a very uncharacteristic spell of doubt…
September 22, 2010 at 4:54 pm
LOVE! What a wonder post and insight…and can’t wait to get my hands on some Plastic is Forever. Congrats on your Barney’s/Loomstate colaboration!
September 24, 2010 at 1:17 am
Just found your blog after you commented on a Simon Doonan article and posted your link. Its wonderful! I went back and read most of your older posts, nice work, lovely pictures and inspired writing!
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