deeeep breath. puff. no deeper. let it go. just let it go. it’ll be all right. they will have a great time. but. but. but. that bitch. that bitch teacher. what was she thinking? she was thinking of HERSELF. there they were my crying nervous but brave twins and what does she say? i dont want them! i dont have ROOM for them. i heard her. did they hear her? will i never know? i wanted to walk out right there and then, while shouting well i don’t fucking want you either. but i didn’t. of course not. she was just overwhelmed. didn’t the (nice) principal say that there were so many kids from private schools that had come into the public system this year? but. but. but. i shook her hand. i smiled i said my name. she did not say her name. she was pissed. she was thinking how am i supposed to do my job with two, not one but two more pupils. where do i put them? i said this is kiki this is leila. it did not register. the class is with their spanish teacher she said, let me take you there. i think maybe you could make them feel a little welcome, i mumbled, i mean they are terrified, its their first day, they need some reassurance. again she glared. not my fault she thought. of course she said. and asked where they were from and off they went, their faces blotched from tears, looking over their shoulder at me, one more last kiss. yes one more last kiss before i too burst into tears. meanwhile alastair was at the middle school with iona. as soon as i saw him i cried. are we doing the right thing? the kids looked cool he said. they did i said. but shall we go back? talk to the principal? i dont want to tattle on that teacher. we can see her later. see what the girls say. who knows they may love her. they may be thrilled. you never know. but oh how i would like to be sitting here with a different feeling. deep breath. deeeep breath. let it go. it will be alright.