Barbi Does Miami

mostly from my oxymoronic years between Miami and Milford

Category Archives: natural and un-natural disasters


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high design rashes

aside from teacher burn we have another problem. so sorry its not all good news but we have a miami-cool-rental design problem. there are no chairs in this house. we have large eggs at the dining table, we have a long low couch without a back, like its verboten to be comfortable and groovy in Tiesto’s and now our “candyland bachelor pad”. yes, so? ok i’m writing this from my bed, which for a dutch guilt bunny like me is really hard at 10 am. i’m dressed and groomed however and look the part, if any miami-style-vice-police should check in (of course they’re all in nyc for fashion week). back to the seating problems — outside on our balconettes were some outdoor chairs. no not the plastic kind one gets at Lowes, but the kind one ogles (but never buys) at Murray Moss. we dragged them in. one for daddy so he could write. one for mommy so she could write. one for kiki and leila so they could go on their computer, one for iona so she could do homework.
these are funny chairs mommy, kiki said. they’re like static. really? yes sit down and try. i can’t feel it sweetie. yes, yes, mommy they are static.i dismissed the sensation they felt in their young and still sensitive skin . two days later, after swimming and going to the beach, leila had a rash all over her inner arms, her back, her legs. i had the cream. it went away/she stopped complaining. then iona started itching. then daddy complained of itchy thighs. finally, when school started, i had time to sit and write. in a short gauzy dress, skirt bunched up around my waist. by 3pm my butt and legs were on fire. a nasty rash spread. something started dawning. like why did we all have this weird reaction? was it stress? the beach? what about the designer chairs? those static chairs? I confronted them. all four pretty things. I ran my hand over their groovy white material. aha. they were made from fiberglass and shedding their glassy fiber until we were covered in micro splinters.

guess what? i’m off to Ikea, to get myself some practical scandinavian chairs and lots of fluffy pillows and fuck it if they’re ugly.

rash chairs....


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all it takes?

the fastest gordon girl

the fastest gordon girl

yesterday. We met them at their classroom when they came out. Timid and freaked out. we met the teacher. she said it was not fair that she’d been given two more students when there were other classes with less kids than hers. she felt that it was hard to do her job with 27 kids. We understood. Let us know what we can do to help we said. We went home. They cried. We hate spanish they said. The teacher is scary. He yells. We don’t understand him. we have homework but the teacher only had one workbook and we don’t know what to do. Fuck and other bad words are written in the bathroom. But there is one cute boy, no two. And one girl wants to be my friend. But we hate it. We don’t want to go back ever. Evvvverrr! We want to stay with you for always. We want to go back to the Hometead School. The Homestead is the best school in the world. We hate it here. We hate miami.

High drama all night. Higher drama this morning. I stopped the car three times on the way to school cause kiki was so nervous that she thought she’d throw up.  we made a deal in the parking lot. i’d do my best to see how i could make miami work for them, if they did their best  to make it work at school today. i went to see the spanish teacher. yo here. look at me. i’m a parent. no dont talk to me in your doorway. let me in. close the door. explain your class to me. what can i do to help? you and my kids. speak to me. he made eye contact his eyes were red like he’d been on a binge all night. no wonder they thought he was scary. he was a tough mf. back in the car i called my friend victoria. bless victoria. her kids go to a school in south beach and so she made some calls, took me around, introduced me, made me a possible alternative. at 2 i picked them up again. kiki ran up to me smiling. leila behind her. guess what mommy. what? we had pe and we are the fastest runners in the whole school and the pe teacher said, she’s really mean but she likes us, and she said that we are the best runners, she said you gordon girls you are ma girls, and it was fun.

oh?

Good!

yeah mom i think last night we maybe kind of over-exaggerated. so you think its maybe ok? yeah because that teacher said we were the best runners and we were her favorites and kiki won but just by like one little inch. no i won by a mile. no you won by just a little. did you get all your workbooks? not yet. the teacher said maybe tomorrow. maybe? then we picked up iona. iona is thrilled like she’s in a reality tv show. two boys wrestled in class she said and then the teacher called security and they took them out. iona is getting tested next week to get into the “gifted” program. the only way out of the regular classes. the classes where the teachers are  scared of some kids and call security. and i? how am i? i am a mother and a mother is only ever as well as her children. co-dependant. totally. so today i’m better than yesterday. and hopeful that those workbooks will arrive. that things will settle down. that they make friends. that they learn about change, and math and spanish and that different can also be good.


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deep breath

deeeep breath. puff. no deeper. let it go. just let it go. it’ll be all right. they will have a great time. but. but. but. that bitch. that bitch teacher. what was she thinking? she was thinking of HERSELF. there they were my crying nervous but brave twins and what does she say? i dont want them! i dont have ROOM for them. i heard her. did they hear her? will i never know? i wanted to walk out right there and then, while shouting well i don’t fucking want you either. but i didn’t. of course not. she was just overwhelmed. didn’t the (nice) principal say that there were so many kids from private schools that had come into the public system this year? but. but. but. i shook her hand. i smiled i said my name. she did not say her name. she was pissed. she was thinking how am i supposed to do my job with two, not one but two more pupils. where do i put them? i said this is kiki this is leila. it did not register. the class is with their spanish teacher she said, let me take you there. i think maybe you could make them feel a little welcome, i mumbled, i mean they are terrified, its their first day, they need some reassurance. again she glared. not my fault she thought. of course she said. and asked where they were from and off they went, their faces blotched from tears, looking over their shoulder at me, one more last kiss. yes one more last kiss before i too burst into tears. meanwhile alastair was at the middle school with iona. as soon as i saw him i cried. are we doing the right thing? the kids looked cool he said. they did i said. but shall we go back? talk to the principal? i dont want to tattle on that teacher. we can see her later. see what the girls say. who knows they may love her. they may be thrilled. you never know. but oh how i would like to be sitting here with a different feeling. deep breath. deeeep breath. let it go. it will be alright.